Anchors
by SniperCT
Summary: Not long after Kitty took over the X-Men and had the school teleported to Central Park, she's looking at herself in the mirror and not liking the person who's staring back. What's it like to feel safe and happy? Rachel is usually the one on the receiving end of comfort, but this time she gets to return the favor.


The person staring back in the mirror didn't look happy. She didn't have any reason to be. For all her talk of coming together, of hope for the future, part of Kitty was still stuck in the past. Past traumas, past mistakes. She hadn't asked for this, but when responsibility came knocking Kitty tended to answer.

Just _one_ month where she could be a normal person with normal people problems, was that too much to ask? No death and darkness, no danger. One month and she couldn't even have that.

"You're the one that got herself into this mess, Pryde." Her reflection frowned at her. It was an expression that was growing frequently common. When was the last time she'd laughed, just for the sake of laughing?

Kitty pulled her hairband out, and shook her hair loose. It fell in tangled waves past her shoulders. When she'd been just a kid, she'd hated it. Now she kept it out of the way, because she still hated it. And the longer she stared at herself in the mirror, the more and more she hated herself.

Coming to a decision, she opened a drawer and pulled out a pair of scissors. Reaching back, she pulled her hair together and started to hack and cut at it. The scissors got stuck and Kitty shouted, pounding her fist onto the counter.

"Uh, you okay?"

Rachel's voice startled her, and she phased the scissors out of her hair and dropped them in the sink with about half of her hair. "Do I _look_ like I'm okay?"

The answer to that question was a very solid no. While Rachel was happier than she admitted to having Kitty back on Earth (and more importantly in the same building as her), Kitty was _not_ okay. It went deeper than appearances, though the state of Kitty's hair was a pretty big clue. She stepped into the bathroom and quickly inspected what Kitty had done. "We can fix this. I'm an expert with this kind of thing."

"... No mullet."

"I'm not responsible for the mullet, that was entirely the Phoenix."

Kitty cracked the faintest of smiles. "I'm sorry, I can't even explain to myself what's going through my head right now. I'm just so…"

"Angry," Rachel suggested. "And lots of other emotions. It's like someone shook a can of pop and you're about to burst."

With the state of her hair and the mess in the sink, Kitty knew Rachel wasn't wrong. She let out a slightly hysterical laugh. "That's one way to put it."

"Stand still." Rachel picked up the scissors. "While I make this look a little less like you went at it with a hacksaw."

Grudgingly allowing Rachel to try to fix her hair, Kitty watched her in the mirror. Most of the time the roles were reversed. Kitty had almost always been there for Rachel, those few times she couldn't be because of circumstances beyond their control. Much like her namesake, Kitty often kept the worse of her emotional and mental wounds to herself. The facade cracked, just a little. "Am I making a mistake? Accepting this? Rejoining the X-men. _Leading_ them? We have students again. I can't let them into the fight, I can't do to them what happened to us." It was a depressing thought, but it was probably too late for many of them.

"I don't know. It's a little soon to tell." Rachel put down the scissors, and rested her hands on Kitty's shoulders. She started to rub them, digging her thumbs into the muscles in just the way she knew Kitty always liked. "But it's really bad, Kitty. We're rudderless, up the creek and paddling with our hands."

"But is a reluctant leader what you need right now?"

"Maybe that's exactly what we need." Rachel's hands slid down Kitty's sides, before she looped her arms around her waist. "Someone stubborn and dedicated, but also not in it for power or because they feel they deserve to lead or something."

Turning around, Kitty threw her arms around Rachel's shoulders and buried her face in her neck. "I don't know if I'm ready for this, or if I'll ruin everything, but I'm glad you're here, Ray."

"I'm glad you're back." Rachel's voice cracked as she turned her nose into Kitty's hair. "I hate it when you leave."

"Next time, I'll take you with me. We can settle in Japan."

"A nice little apartment for two?" Rachel suggested. She liked the thought, even though it wasn't a likely one.

Kitty nodded, and breathed deeply. She pulled her head back, and her eyes were red and watery. Her throat bobbed as she spoke, "I'm going to need to lean on you. The others can't see me being weak."

"You're not _weak_. You're human, we're all human, x-gene or not." Rachel brushed a stray tear away. "The last person we thought was unbreakable was my dad and we all know how that went."

"You know what I mean."

Rachel's eyes bored into Kitty's, "If you need to cry all over me, you can. Break down on me, scream at me, whatever you need. You've been my anchor for so long, let me be yours. For once in your goddamn life stop trying to hold it all in!"

"I can't exactly cry on command," Kitty protested. The funny thing was that she'd been pretty close earlier, but now that she was here like this it she was fighting a natural inclination to bury everything.

"Your kitten died."

She smacked her hand against the back of Rachel's shoulder. "Nice try."

"Puppy? They canceled The Last Jedi?"

"That one, that last one, that gets me." She grinned at Rachel, then wiped her eyes with her arm. "You always did get me."

Rachel shrugged, then guided Kitty out of the bathroom and into the joined bedroom. Being the leader had certain perks, like one's own bathroom. She was a little jealous.

As if reading her mind, Kitty said, "You can use that shower any time you want."

"What if you're in it?"

"Knock first." Kitty sank onto the bed, rubbing her face with both hands. She didn't notice the blush that crept over Rachel's face or the sudden way she'd started looking anywhere but in her direction. "You know, I do feel a little lighter."

She dropped her hands and patted the bed next to her. When Rachel sat down, they leaned against each other, Kitty propping Rachel up and Rachel propping Kitty up and their heads leaning together.

"Short hair looks good on you," Rachel said, trying to ignore the visions of Kitty in the shower dancing through her head. She put her arm around her "Did I ever tell you what it makes me feel when you're around?"

Kitty shook her head.

"Safe. You make me feel _safe_. Safe and secure. A compass so that I always know which way is North, and what is right."

"No pressure," Kitty said. Rachel was warm and comforting, and Kitty had no inclination to move just yet. Was this what it felt like? To feel safe and comforted again? She couldn't remember the last time. Before Breakworld at least. Chicago, the University maybe. Before even that had gone to hell.

It felt like a lifetime ago, and all that had happened since had been like tumbling down a hill, gaining more and more speed before she'd been flung out over the rocks with no one to catch her. It was only when Rachel had turned and enveloped her in her arms that Kitty realized she'd started crying. Kitty dug her fingers into Rachel's shirt, sobbing into her chest like they were sixteen again.

Oh, to be _sixteen_ again. Even then there'd been blood on her hands, even then she'd been possessed and beaten and hurt but she'd still had _hope_.

The sobbing tapered off. Rachel didn't let Kitty move yet, simply holding her through the flood of emotions. She was used to being the one being held, feeling that hope. An infectious hope that had kept Rachel from sliding back into the horrors of the terrible future they'd fought to prevent, that had made her feel so safe and secure and welcome.

So Rachel was more than happy to return the favor. She loved Kitty with every fiber of her being and if she could make Kitty feel that hope, feel that safety for even a few fleeting moments then that was exactly what she'd do. Kitty could hold the X-Men together, and Rachel would hold Kitty together.

"We'll get through whatever the world throws at us, Kitty. We always do."

Kitty took her hand, lacing their fingers together. "Kind of hope we get a week where the world leaves us alone." She glanced up at Rachel. "Thank you, Ray. I'm glad if the universe keeps dragging us places that it always ends up throwing us back together. Kinda like it always knows that being with you again is a little bit like coming home."

"Anchors," Rachel reminded her. She'd always believed Kitty was hers, but for the first time she was starting to believe that she was Kitty's. It meant _everything_ to her.

"We're each others' anchors."


End file.
